Cacophonous Gut Lumps

by The Tit Mice

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denis the raging toad
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denis the raging toad this album is one of the finest examples of shouting violent mutant harmonic devil songs made out of the scraps and tangle of lucifer's belching embrace.

If you have not already bought this then you are a turd.

It screams insanity and genius within its beer stained breath.

It shits into the shallow end of every indoor children's swimming pool.

It is a remarkable feast of entangled limbs and dirty meat. Favorite track: Medieval Times.
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06:21
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04:23
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06:09
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01:44
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about

This is our finest digitally recorded material, improvised from scratch with no rehearsal. Tracks 1-9 are from our 'exile sessions' and 10-15 were recorded in 'The Tit House'. Each Tit Mouse makes £1 each time the album is purchased.

credits

released May 1, 2014

The Tit Mice are Dan Petley, Harry Westbrook and Andrew Gillan

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all rights reserved

about

The Tit Mice Bristol, UK

The Tit Mice are an improvisational collective formed in Bristol on new years day 2013. Our initial intention was just to play music. However, upon attempting to do this, we realised that when our musical inabilities united, we were capable of producing sublime masterpieces, which are so powerful and moving, they could potentially either save the world or plunge civilisation into a new dark age. ... more

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Track Name: Regretful Sabbath
(Oh dear)
Father forgive me for what I have inflicted on to the world on this Sunday afternoon

I didn’t mean to do it, I didn’t mean for this album to turn out this way, I know its deeply immoral of me to expect people to buy it.

I’m so sorry to the people who buy this piece of work we have made, I’m sorry for the money that you have unfortunately had to pay.

I didn’t mean to do it so badly; I hope you receive it at least slightly gladly
And that it doesn’t make you feel any sadlier than you are already,
Although I understand you must be at a pretty low ebb
To have bought it in the first place

Sunday is a day when people should do the things that make them glad
Sunday is the day when you should try to do something that doesn’t make other people sad.
Track Name: Happy Mutant
Happy little mutant, in the sun
Happy little mutant, having fun
Happy little mutant, on the beach
Happy little mutant, eating quiche

Ha pa pa pa pa pa pa pa happy mutant

Happy little mutant, on the street
Happy little mutant, look at his feet
Happy little mutant, look at his teeth
Happy little mutant, he’s eating beef

Ha pa pa pa pa pa pa pa happy mutant

Happy little mutant, gnawing rind
Happy little mutant, that’s what he finds
Happy little mutant, he’s drinking wine
Happy little mutant, wish he was mine

Ha pa pa pa pa pa pa pa happy mutant

Happy little mutant, he’s on the town
Happy little mutant, sadly wears a frown
Happy little mutant, wants to go home
Happy little mutant, he is a gnome

Ha pa pa pa pa pa pa pa happy happy mutant
happy mutant

Happy little mutant, wish he was mine
Happy little mutant, he’s in decline
Happy little mutant, in my pants
Happy little mutant, do a dance
Track Name: MacDonalds Pancake
Poor old MacDonald had nothing to eat
Poor MacDonald had to eat his piggy’s feet
Poor MacDonald had nothing to wear
Compact Donald had to slaughter a bear
He wore his fleece, he made some cheese
He ate some peas with cheese

But still life on the farm was hard
His goats were no longer producing milk so there was no way for him to produce more lard
Now lard was an important thing on this farm, because they used lard in all of their pancakes

Mrs Mc Donald the farmer’s wife, every day she’d eaten pancakes all of her life
Now there wasn’t a supply of lard, her natural diet had become hard to come by
Poor old MacDonald had to find an alternative of lard
A tasteless lump of buttery filth
Needed to be manufactured,
In order to repair this fracture.

So he jizzed into a big cube and then made pancakes out of that and fed them to his wife and they lived happily ever after.The end.
Track Name: No Refunds
I bought this album in good faith
I was expecting it to be fucking great
But when I got home I realised
This is the worst of the Tit Mice

I want a refund
I want a refund
I worked hard to buy this record
I want a fucking refund

The Tit Mice don’t give no refunds
No, The Tit Mice don’t give no refunds

I’m going to talk to my solicitor
I’m going to call consumer watchdog
I’ve already been to the citizens advice bureau
I have a very good solicitor you know

The Tit Mice well we don’t give no refunds
The Tit Mice god no we give no refunds

You bought the album without giving it proper thought
Now look at all the unhappiness that you have caused to yourself
None of our business, not our fault,
The Tit Mice don’t give no refund, punk

Hello this is the police
We’ve heard reports that you have been selling shit albums to people of the city of Bristol
We’ve had many complaints and a warrant for your arrest,
Come on, open up, you silly little wankers, get out of there

No, The Tit Mice don’t give no refunds
We’re not able to be arrested either
The Tit Mice, we don’t need to go to prison
If you’re stupid enough to give us a fiver you should be incarcerated yourself
We don’t give no refunds
You’re so stupid you should be incarcerated yourself
We don’t give no refunds

In our defence, I’d like to say this album isn’t quite the worst thing we’ve ever recorded
We’ve probably done worse things haven’t we?
Well most of the people listening to this probably wouldn’t even know because
To be honest not many people actually ever bother listening to our things
Or ever really buy anything from us, and yet they still encourage us to carry on
So it’s kind of your own fault really if you have any problems with the pile of wank you are listening to at the moment
I really hope you did give us a fiver though
I’m quite poor at the moment really in fact we’re quite, you know, charmed that you actually turn up or bother to say anything nice to us at all
And thus the product that you are clutching in your hands you shouldn’t be seeing as a negative thing in any way, but you should see it as a happy little souvenir of the joyous times you have spent listening to our fucking unlistenable music

The Tit Mice don’t give refunds
Even though this album you are listening to hasn’t been much fun
No The Tit Mice, we don’t owe you a refund
You can take this compact disk and shove it up your bum, motherfucker

Motherfuckers, motherfuckers
Track Name: Bestial Rage
What is this animal that I’m seeing dancing around in front of me
Eating bananas with his cheeky grin constantly masturbating

What is he?

Ape

He is an ape, a beast of the forest
A creature with a cheeky grin more or less
I can’t see the point in trying to explain him anymore
he is an ape

What is this creature that stands before me popularised by Disney as a creature that could fly with his ears
Their cocks are really big about the size of a human being and they have no fears

What kind of beast?

Elephant

What kind of beast is this that I’m seeing right now with his trumpeting tool flying about like he doesn’t give a shit with his massive ears

Now I’m sitting in my house feeling sad about not being one of these beasts
What is this creature I see before me with his whiskers and pointy ears
That mouse would appear to be his feast

Why are you in my fucking house you little bastard?
Why do I have to keep giving you food?
Why do you keep fucking saying miaow at me
Even when I kick you with my b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b boot?

Why am I not a beast?
I want to have a feast of other animals
I want to eat other humans too
I’m thinking perhaps I’m a cannibal

Perhaps one day the zoo keeper will have his wicked way with me and put me in a smaller cage

But until then, I've just got to deal with this horrible life and try not to upset people with my bestial rage
Track Name: Classical Culture
Inceptum nostrum, quo primi in Gallia Graecos scriptores in unius corporis aequabilitatem redigere aggressi sumus, commendation et notis praefationum artibus egere non videtur; sed paucis dicendum est, unde ea quam elegimus edendi ratio pendeat.

You are a fool for buying this album
You are a fool for buying this album
You are a fool for buying this album
You are a fool for buying this album

Dudum aegre tuleramus quod tot scriptorium editions veteribus inquinatae vitiis vulgo circumferrentur ataque adeo saepius repeterentur, dum exstarent eorumdem scriptorium emendatae et a summis criticis antique nitori restitutae: anon oportuit illorum insque igeniorum,

You are a fool for buying this album
You are a fool for buying this album
You are a fool for buying this album
You are a fool for buying this album

quae optima quique nostratioum laudibus et imitation clebrarunt, opera popularibus nostris exbiberi pura, emendate, quantum fiery potest libera a depravatione barbariae quam transierant?

Hoc igitur primum et praecipue curamus, ut non solum ex optitmis quae extant editionibus scriptorium quisque exprismatur, sed harum etiam multas criticis celeberrimis tradidimus denuo examinandas et emendandas; praeterea, ubicumque res videtur postulare, Regiae Bibliothecae manuscriptos imus consultum.

We are such fools for making this album
We are such fools for making this album
We are such fools for making this album
We are such fools for making this album

Classical intellectual music for you people studying a PHD
Everybody feeling sexy about the Greeks
And Latin
Motherfuckers

You are a fool for buying this album
You are a fool for buying this album
You are a fool for buying this album
You are a fool for buying this album
We are such fools for making this album
We are such fools for making this album
We are such fools for making this album
We are such fools for making this album
You are such fools for buying this album
You are such fools for buying this album
You are such fools for buying this album
You are such fools for buying this album
We are such fools for making this album
We are such fools for making this album
We are such fools for making this album
We are such fools for making this album
You are such fools for buying this album
You are such fools for buying this album
We are such fools for making this album
You are such fools for buying this album

Hoc igitur primum et praecipue curamus, ut non solum ex optitmis quae extant editionibus scriptorium quisque exprismatur, sed harum etiam multas criticis celeberrimis tradidimus denuo examinandas et emendandas; praeterea, ubicumque res videtur postulare, Regiae Bibliothecae manuscriptos imus consultum.

Stop
Track Name: Maliks
Hello Mr Malik its a super morning
Hello Mr Malik its not even remotely boring

Nice to come to your lovely shop see all the drug dealers
Surrounded by scaggy prostitutes drinking Special Brew

There is a special reason why I made this trip to come to your little shop today
The reason is I want to fill my ugly stinking pooper face
I want to have a tasty snack that I can make with boiling water
And put the horrible sachet of filthy crap on the top

Maliks Super Noodles
Maliks Super Noodles

Gone are the days when Pot Noodle was the top snack for chavs
Gone are the days when Super Noodles were such a massive brand
Now your own brand is the only thing that can tick the little box that says ‘ding a ling’
I want to taste your dirty Super Noodles

Maliks own brand filthy noodles
Maliks own brand filthy noodles

‘Mate, can I buy a fag off you
I’ll roll it myself honest
Go on I’ll give you 10p
Go on give us a fag
Are you looking at my bird?’

That’s the place to go if you want to get in a fight or be asked for a free fag
That’s the place to go if eating bad noodles, if that’s your bag
Its the place to go if you want to get stabbed by a gang member or pick up a prostitute
Its the place to go if its St Paul’s Carnival and you need a wee

Maliks Supermarket
Maliks Supermarket

You're an idiot for buying this album, a fucking idiot
Thanks for the fiver. Thankyou.
Track Name: Medieval Times
Medieval times medieval crimes
Such as putting bubonic plague into your scrotum
Medieval kings wobbling their ding-a-lings
Making the peasants dance in their golden showers

Medieval times, medieval crimes

It’s not very nice in the dark ages
Flicking through Old Testament pages
Robin Hood can’t do a fucking thing about the horrible times
That the people of Worksop are having to live through

Medieval times, medieval crimes
Medieval hats, medieval twats

Look at their beards
Look at their muddy clothes
Look at their feral animals
Nobody can see nobody knows
Nobody can tell how much of a bad time they are having in Worksop

Medieval times, medieval crimes
Medieval times, medieval crimes
Medieval
Track Name: Darling
Darling, I just checked the bank account and I have seen a deposit of five pounds has been paid to the Tit Mice, was it for that album you were listening to?

Don’t you realise our children must eat
You are killing our family by listening to this rubbish

Five pounds
Five whole English pounds was spent on that Tit Mouse album
Fair play it didn’t have the hiss that their tape albums used to have
But bloody hell it was completely unlistenable
I can’t believe you have done this to our family

You’ve taken five pounds away
We could have spent it on cheese or grain or like muesli or something
But you spent it on a Tit Mouse album

Whats this? You bought a t-shirt?
It cost you fifteen pounds!

Do you realise they sold one of them to their so called producer of their new album for only a fiver!
(it was a tenner actually)
Sorry, a tenner

Apparently he spilt wine all over it and he doesn’t think it’s worth giving the seller of the product ten pounds for but in my opinion they are worth ten pounds, well they’re worth fifteen but shit a tenner’s fine really isn’t it?

Anyway you’re distracting me from the point
You shouldn’t have bought this album it was five fucking pounds
Our children must eat

Do you expect us to feed them shit MP3s by the fucking Tit Mice? NO!
Do you expect us to feed them t shirts that cost you ten fucking pounds, covered with wine that you didn’t even pay ten pounds for? NO!

You’re destroying this family
Your lust for the Tit Mice is destroying our lives
Ditch these bastards now
Stop buying Tit Mouse products

Get out of my house
The marriage is over
Track Name: Bad Hunting Techniques
It was the first time I went hunting
I took out all of my weapons and things
I aimed them for the heart of the nearest kangaroo
Then you won’t believe what I was expected to do
Climb into the pouch

I was digging, digging so hard, trying to make some garden grow
I was thumping into the ground trying to make a special sound
To attract all of the moles from out of their holes
I was trying to make the animals come along
But you won’t believe me
I fisted them all

I was taken fishing by my grandfather
I was taken out on a little tiny boat
You know this aint the place to be catching a goat
We were looking for fishes to go on our dishes
Then we saw a whale
And I climbed into it’s blow hole

Bad hunting techniques they should make you weep but instead they turn me on
Bad hunting techniques they should make us all weep but instead they turn me on

Badger baiting, more like masturbating over badgers that I don’t want living on my farm
Fox hunting, more like hunting the fuck out of all those cuntish foxes and then ripping their insides out and masturbating into them and fucking the mother fox as hard as I fucking possibly can up the fucking ass

I want to kill all of the animals
Kill all the animals

Bad hunting techniques they should make you weep but instead they turn me on
Bad hunting techniques they should make you weep but instead they just turn me on

Bad hunting techniques
Track Name: On Holiday
Jim has gone on holiday
Now I had to go to the Spar today
It’s not very cheap buying beer in the Spar

Greenbank has gone on holiday
Now it’s been taken over by posh people
Don’t go to Greenbank it’s full of posh people

Jim don’t go on holiday
You have made a very hard price to pay

Greenbank on holiday
Come back you’re not the same
You’re no longer run by a drug dealer no way
Track Name: Brick Tent Tit House
There’s a big table been built outside it’s a nice place for the plants to ride
They look like volcanoes but I know that the only way they’ll stay up is if the wind doesn’t blow

Bike lock mixed with plant table it’s the thing you will hear in a fable
It was built by Pete by his own bare hands and a mountain of tools from a foreign land
It was a Brick Tent but it got knocked down it got turned inside out and turned to Tit Mouse town

It burned down because we’re too immature to keep up a house and not end up poor
But the smell upstairs was unbelievable no one cared but I had to push and pull

It was horrible and it smelt of wee and I had to inhale Neil and Jess’ dead skin
But I stole some of Jess’ books and I stole some of Neil’s as well
And I made all the filth go out of my life and I made my health have a normal strife
Track Name: Captain Of Your Ship
This is the captain of your ship calling
It’s time to hit the cabin boy and no stalling
This is the captain of your ship calling
It’s time to try and kill a badger and no stalling

This is the matron of your restaurant calling
It’s time to try to kill the customers and no stalling
This is the landlord of your pub calling
Last orders it is time to leave and no stalling

This is the gardener of your land calling
I have found an unexploded bomb and it’s going to fucking blow
Evacuate the area make sure that no one is still there
Make sure that no one is in the radius of the fucking blast
Make sure that everybody is hidden underground
Make sure that they don’t feel the impact or the fucking sound
Track Name: Psychling in Bristol
Such a long way to go to get to Stokes Croft
Even fucking further to get to Clifton
Gotta cycle up those hills
Gotta make sure you’re not on pills

When you try to get anywhere in this fucking city of cycles
Riding for ten minutes then the other guys I was cycling with
Decided to go a stupid way make it drag out even longer
When I got to the boozer I felt slightly awkward sitting there
Spent all my money like I didn’t have a care

Cycling in Bristol

All the cyclists well they reckon they’re so fucking cool
Now the cyclists they must be playing me for a fool
I think that it’s too easy to be a cycle twat in this city I don’t know how it is possible to do anything else

Cycling in Bristol

Bike riders are twats
Track Name: Cocktail Bar
Mull of Kintyre, waves come from the sea
Cocktail waitresses come from a similar place
But it’s made of wee

Always wanting to be in the Mull of Kintyre
Standing next to a pile of burning tyres
Cocktail waitresses doing their thing
Whilst I force some of this seaweed up my ring

I was working as a waitress in a cocktail bar
I was working as a waitress in a cocktail bar
Standing next to a pile of burning tyres

Dreaming about the fucking Mull of Kintyre
I was working as a waitress in a cocktail bar
I was working as a waitress in a cocktail bar

Don’t you want me baby?

I was masturbating over a pile of burning tyres
Whilst causing nuclear explosions over the Mull of Kintyre

Working as a waitress in a cocktail bar
Track Name: Disco Home Time
In the disco covered in blisters man I’ve missed her covered in blisters in the disco
Listening to techno covered in blisters god how I miss her from the disco
Covered in blisters she was my sister
Covered in blisters how I miss her from the disco
Listening to techno
Feel like I want to fist her eating lots of disco biscuits she’s covered in blisters she’s covered in blisters she was my sister
Covered in blisters in the disco listening to techno
Covered in blisters
Have you ever been covered in blisters have you ever felt that you miss her covered in blisters in the disco listening to techno
Disco, covered in blisters, god how I missed her, at the disco
Listening to myself smoking lots of blow in the disco
Its home time, you’ve committed your crime you’ve been covered in blisters in the disco listening to techno
Now its home time
Now its home time
Home time
Home time
Home time
Home time
Home time
Home time
Squeezing your spots and blisters in the disco now its home time home time
Squeezing your spots and blisters in the disco it is home time
Listening to techno in the disco covered in blisters god I want to fist her
She was my sister god I have missed her I was so covered in blisters it was the
Disco home time
Home time
Disco home time