The Gibbon's Web Of Deceit

by The Tit Mice

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about

These classics came to us during a time of discovery and many were recorded during expeditions into the unknown. This record is a testament to the unbreakable power of the human spirit during times of neglect, uncertainty and severe drunkenness. That treacherous gibbon!

credits

released June 25, 2015

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all rights reserved

about

The Tit Mice Bristol, UK

The Tit Mice are an improvisational collective formed in Bristol on new years day 2013. Our initial intention was just to play music. However, upon attempting to do this, we realised that when our musical inabilities united, we were capable of producing sublime masterpieces, which are so powerful and moving, they could potentially either save the world or plunge civilisation into a new dark age. ... more

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Track Name: Crapital
You may not like what we do
You may think it sounds like somebody doing a poo
But we don't give a shit

You may think that we look stupid
You may think that we are talentless twats but you are wrong
Listen to our songs

A little ginger kid kicked dust into our faces
And then the mother of another child told us to get our disgraces
Away from her child who we were clearly being paedophiles towards
War of words with ugly mums in this street
It certainly wasn't a treat

Nobody likes us
Nobody wants to hear our... songs

So if you want to hear something completely unlistenable
Maybe you should stick around
Maybe if you want to have something nightmare inducing occur to you then
You should stay here until your pants turn brown

Until your pants turn brown

Until your pants turn brown

Sometimes we try and sell our goods to people who experience us
It doesn't really work, all of those channels are filled with pus because we don't know how to make people buy our things

We have a shit marketing department
Because that compartment exists only in our minds
And very tight pockets
Oh fock-it

What's the point in carrying on?
What's the point in carrying on?
In our tight pockets we can never generate capital
CRAPITAL
Track Name: Titfield Thunderbolt
School trip to the sewage farm
School trip to the most horrible place you can imagine

Titfield Thunderbolt

Storming through the countryside
Onto your ass you may end up sliding
Down a pipe

Sewage farm, sliding down a pipe
Sewage farm, sliding down with all your might
With all your might

Titfield Thunderbolt
Titfield Thunderbolt
Titfield Thunderbolt
Titfield Thunderbolt
Track Name: Very Dark
It has gone very dark

Now I want to do the cleaning
Now it's time to cut off my spleen-ing
Now I'm having a bit of a diseasing

I know that you're just teasing
I know that you're about to be sneezing
I know that you're feeling a bit sick

It has gone very dark

It has gone very dark

Lots and lots of peanuts
Lots and lots of wing-nuts
Lots and lots of Coco pops

Lots of Polish lager
Tyskie and Zuburan
Lots of Hobgoblin
Feel like doing the cleaning again

It has gone very dark
Track Name: Event Horizon
(Oh no was I supposed to be starting?
I don't know)

Danger of death
Power cables overhead
If you go to the edge
Of event horizon

You may never come back

You may never come back

If you take life too seriously
Then you move into a boat
You're not going to get any less unhappier
You may lose all of the hope that you previously had

Keep your dogs on a lead
Keep the canal special

No fishing by the canal because you're supposed to be looking after all the wildlife
Which you're supposed to be immersing yourself within but instead you've started a crack den
Started making ketamin

On the canal
On the canal barge

There is nothing you can do to enlarge your sense of unhappiness and solitude

Going into event horizon
Event horizon
Event horizon
Going into event horizon

Danger of death
If you lay near to the pond
If you climb up the power cables
You will be electrocuted and that would be wrong

Event horizon
The skies and the seas
Will cascade and you'll catch fleas
Track Name: Goldfinch Roadkill
Flapping your wings flying through the sky
On a summers afternoon

I can't see that thing coming towards me
Because it is clear its a window inside a car

Next thing I knew my neck was broken
My carcass was flying though the sky

Close to the ground until I fell
And eventually I was found

By somebody coming home from work
I was found
I'd broken my neck like a jerk

It's kind of embarrassing that I ended up becoming a road-kill
Because I was trying to get back to my nest
Because I'm been sleeping with another bird

My wife is going to be bloody furious when she finds out
What I have been up to
And that I'm

Dead and was found on the floor
By somebody coming home from work
Earlier today

My spirit is hovering over my body
And I can see what is happening in the afterlife

I am being held hostage by two other birds
Two of the Tit Mice
One of them is holding a knife

He's cutting out my liver and now he's
Trying to force my brain out of my beak

Forcing bicarbonate of soda and salt
Into my twitching carcass and now I

I'm never going to see those eggs again
Roadkill goldfinch

Fill it with another pinch of
Salt and bicarbonate of soda

Mummified goldfinch
Take another pinch of beer sterilising solution

(Now to C)

We know that it is nice to look at ornaments
But sometimes you will have to think that they are heaven sent

And you should not be playing
With goldfinch carcasses

You should not be playing
With finches or lark-asses
Track Name: Wherever You Feel Like
Think of all the places where you could go to the toilet
Maybe in an empty beer-can or crisp packet

Maybe the best place for you to go would be
Into an occupied pram

Maybe you should eat a little bit more spam
Then do a poo wherever you like
Do a poo wherever you like

Do it while you're riding your bike
Or when you're flying a kite
Or if you're drinking beer
Wheather you're far a away or if you're near

Do a poo wherever you feel like
Do a poo wherever you feel like
Do a poo wherever you want to do one
Do a poo wherever you feel like

In your pants
Just like you're an infant
Do a poo inside your trousers
Come on that might arouse us

Do a poo wherever you feel like
Do a poo wherever you feel like

Do a poo wherever you feel like
Do a poo wherever you feel like
Do a poo wherever you feel like
Do a poo wherever you feel like

Do a poo wherever you feel like
Wherever you feel like
Track Name: Sex Litter Bin
Mr Sheen, Mr Bean, keep it clean
Know what I mean?

If you come into my machine then you will be with Mr Bean

Now we have an empty bin
Let us fill it with our sin
Let us make the filth go into the
Filthy sex litter bin

Sex litter bin
Sex litter bin
Sex litter bin
It is filling up to the brim

It was dark but then we got some candles in the room
Now we have some of the other handles and a broom

So we can clean up all the sex litter
Clean up all the sex litter
All the sex litter's been cleaned up

Into the sex litter bin
Track Name: Polar Bear A Grudge
Polar bears
Nobody gives a care even though they're almost extinct
If we slaughter them all what would you think?
Would you like it if we wedged their mouths open
And poured in cement

And then we went and found a set of badgers
And then we threw some rocks at them?

You may feel a little less zen
You may feel a little less zen
What would you do then?

What would you think if we found a nest of eagles
And then we took away all of the beagles from the animal testing factory
And maybe replaced them with the eagles and their rare eggs
Made them into omelettes?

Polar bears
Quite frankly I don't have a care if we make them into burgers
I like a nice bit of animal murder
So long as there's mayonnaise
And I don't have to pay too much

Man I'm feeling really butch when I slaughter all the badgers
And all the polar bears
Quite frankly I just don't care
Quite frankly we don't care
Track Name: Life Chorus
I woke up this morning in my lonely bed
I was alone and I had nothing that anybody could have said
About how it was a nice time
Because it wasn't
It just wasn't
No it just wasn't

This is the chorus
This is the chorus of your horrible life
This is the chorus
This is the best bit of your horrible life you're living

Maybe I will turn on my television
Maybe I should have been at some point given a nicer thing to do
But unfortunately I'm sat on my own
Watching Breaking Bad while I stroke my own tiny bone

This is the chorus
This is the chorus of your life
This is the best bit
There will only be more trouble and strife
This is the best bit of your horrible life tonight
This is the best bit

Now I've decided to start watching the walking dead
I like the way that characters get killed off before you've even met them
You know that it is much better for me to be
Watching people having a nasty time
While I am sat alone
Weeping and cryin'

This is the chorus
This is the chorus of your life
Unfortunately this is the best bit
The best bit that you're going to be experiencing
It happens tonight
This is the best bit
Unfortunately this is the best bit of your life
Unfortunately
This is the best bit

This was the best bit
Track Name: The Gibbon's Web Of Deceit
Swinging through the jungle
Amongst an army of gibbons
Think of all the beautiful times
Which they have given to us
They are better even than the bonobo
The chimpanzee, they can just go home

The treacherous gibbon
The treacherous gibbon's web of deceit

They are far much smaller than the orang-utan
The gorillas they are such fat bastards
They are the superior acrobatic ape
They shit all over the lemurs

Treacherous gibbon
The gibbon's wicked web of deceit

They are the finest thing that you can view
When you go to the play-park attached to a zoo
All of the children point and laugh while they look at
The masturbating baboons
But that is nothing compared
To the gibbons super tunes

Treacherous gibbon
Think of all the wonderful things that they have given to us
They have deceived us with their wicked web of deceit
They can climb over any
Any apparatus with their incredible feet
Treacherous gibbon
The gibbon's web of deceit
Track Name: Pudding
I've been waiting far too long for the taste of pink blancmange
I've been waiting far too long for a little bit of jelly I want my pudding
I've been waiting far too long for my strawberries to grow
They are shrivelled pieces of shit
And there's nothing there to put into my mouth

I want my pudding

Custard, custard tart
That is the only part of this meal that I've been looking
Forward to

Bananas, scanners
Seeking my next fruity sugary treat
I will walk so far that I will wear off my feet
Give me my pudding
Pudding

Sugary treats, they are all I need
Sugary treats, I will break off your feet if you don't give them
Give them to me
I want my pudding
I want my pudding
I want my pudding
Track Name: Fashion Wizard
The beautiful embroidered symbol of a gibbon
Embroidered on the Wizard's magical hat
Which he wears

No matter what he has given you
You will always be blessed by the Wizard
Whether its a sunny day
Night time or dead of winter in a blizzard

(Chorus)
Fashion accessories of the Wizard

Look at his flowing magical cloak
The beauty is so intense
That it can sometimes make you choke
But when you see the magic pouring out of his sleeves
You will feel very pleased

That you're with the Wizard
Fashion statements
Wonderful fashion statements of the Wizard
Fashion statements from the wizard
Fashion statements from the wizard

The potion, its lost all of its colour
Because the Wizard's given it to the earth mother
And made the hallucinogenic reaction become
Bigger by quite a large fraction

Don't expect to do any more social interaction
Fashion statements from the Wizard
Fashion statements from the Wizard
Hallucinogenic fashion statements from the Wizard
Fashion going on in your mind from the Wizard
Wearing his magical hat and cloak
Fashion statements from the Wizard
Track Name: Ligaments Pigments
(I think we're going for a fade in here aren't we?)

Instruments, feeling demented
Because our ligaments can't find the pigments

Maybe we should try to tune our instruments?
So our ligaments can find the correct pigments

Maybe we should just give up and go home
And look at our collection of garden gnomes

Maybe we should have bought a tuning device
Maybe we should have listened to
Something a little bit better than Vanilla Ice
Maybe we should have tried to learn to play our instruments
So that our ligaments could find the correct pigments

Maybe we should just give up and go home
And look at our collection of garden gnomes
Maybe we could just use a different demo button
On our Casio keyboard

Ligaments, instruments
Demented pigments
Track Name: The Wizard's Not Here
Trees, cars, sheep, hedges, more trees, leaves
Trees, farms and streams and barns and lorries and birds

But the Wizard's not here

More trees and hills and fields and smoke coming out of something

But the Wizard's not here

And roads and a horizon and nothing much else in that horizon
Apart from farms and fields and sheep and telegraph posts

But the Wizard's not here

And there's a football field or something and looks like a factory or maybe it's another farm and an outbuilding of some sort

But the Wizard's not here