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The Mutant's Depraved Urges

by The Tit Mice

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1.
Dental Hygene 04:50
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Tooth brushes, dental floss, mouthwashes, what is the cost? If you go to Poundland They only cost a pound If you go to Wilkinson You may find yourselves paying around a fiver. Around a fiver This is why I stopped cleaning my teeth My dental hygiene is beyond belief My mouth is decomposing The smell can be quite imposing I am no longer able to attract members of the opposite sex Expensive dental products have ruined my life Expensive dental products mean's I won't find a wife Expensive dental products have made me quite unapproachable My mouth smells like a bull My mouth it smells a bit like bullshit My face it smellsa bit like piss My gaping orofice it's not very nice to kiss Because I'm missing out on dental hygiene now Tooth brushes, toothpaste, dental floss Mouthwash what a waste of money that was Now I don't need it in my bathroom cabinet Now I don't want it Now I don't need all the minty freshness.
2.
Etiquette 03:39
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(Back to A again, E sorry, oh fuck I fucked that up) This is a song about driving etiquette If you want to make sure people get out of your way when you're driving your car then beep at them (Back to E) Its a shame when people aren't polite on the roads Its a shame when people don't nod to cyclists Its a shame when people run people over on the zebra crossing (incidentally that's what I did on my first fucking driving test) Etiquette, Etiquette, Etiquette (and back to E) Its alot harder driving a car than a skateboard Its alot harder driving a pogo stick If you run someone over when you're bouncing along on your space hopper then you get alot less bad insurance policies Now to the chorus Etiquette, Etiquette I've been driving my fucking car so hard And I've been running over all the pedestrians Because I don't like people very much its been a very difficult week I've been driving very hard to my very difficult job And the driving instructor says Its not good to run people over (Oh my God) (Mate, my face hurts)
3.
Tit Mouse Warfare 04:38
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Merry little tune to be singing while you are marching along Merry little tune to be singing while you're marching along In out little army, we intend to kill as many of the enemy as we possibly can Merry little song to be singing while you are walking along Merry little song to be singing while you are marching along In the ranks of our demonic army We intend to usurp your entire village and kill all of the pigs Lets take some hostages and eat their livers Tit Mouse warfare, take the trenches to your left Tit Mouse warfare, make sure you steal all of their poppers Tit Mouse warfare, stab them with your bayonets Tit Mouse warfare, we will wrest them to the ground Over the top chaps! What a lovely little song to be singing while you are marching along Just a merry song to be singing when we are marching in our flanks Forward marching Forward marching Forward marching Backward marching Marching to the side, marching to the back Whoops I've been shot in the face Now I've fallen over, to the floor I've wet myself, and now I'm dead.
4.
The Rain Song 06:54
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Ahhh.... Ooohhhh We're really sorry the Arts House We didn't mean to play so badly We are so sorry we didn't rehearse what we were doing tonight It's just that we are quite naturally shite Apparently it's going to rain tonight With a bit of luck we won't be in a fight Because we played so badly I hope that it rains tonight Because I'm feeling incredibly drained tonight And we're shite So we're still playing very badly And all your faces are looking quite alot more sadly Because you knew we would be just this bad Why do you keep turning up to our shows? You've all been had We've heard it's going to rain tonight Because all 3 of us are really drained tonight Thats why we're playing like a bag of shite We're so sorry to the Arts House We're so sorry, sorry to the Arts House We're sorry to the Arts House for scaring all your customers away (Shall we just start back again at D, and we just do another verse?) (Are we going again?) One of the problems that I'm having tonight is that I'm sober I need to drink more beer over and over The only thing that I've eaten in the last couple of hours is that cake thing in a tub (Thud) This isn't my guitar that you're throwing money at by the way! I hope that it rains tonight Because I'm sad that this guitar has had a bit of trouble and strife With all the coin throwing I'm really sad that I lost Harry's didgeridoo last night As a friend, and musician I am shite We're so sorry to the Arts House We're so sorry to the Arts House Some of your customers have been permanently scared away Away... Maybe we should get paid?
5.
Banned From Monkey World 05:25
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There is nothing quite like being fisted by a gorrilla There is nothing quite like being buggered by an orang utan There is nothing like having forced sex with a gibbon There is nothing quite like doing lots of filthy things in a monkey park Banned from Monkey World I've been banned from Monkey World Discrimination Monkey World I've been banned from Monkey World Banned from Monkey World Such cruel discrimination Such bigoted discrimination Just because I like to have anal sex with all their gorillas They kicked me out and banned me from ever going back Just because I inserted a spider monkey into my foreskin Just because I put one of their lemurs up my ass (Oh no I've run out of tape) Discrimination, Monkey World bigots Discrimination, Monkey World bigots Banned from monkey world I've been banned from monkey world Next time you come to Monkey World Make sure you do it under the cover of darkness Make sure you run into the trees Then give your orang utan some anal disease Bum the gorillas Bum the gorillas, bum Bum the gorillas Come on the chimpanzees Come on the chimpanzees Come on the gibbons Come on the chimpanzees Come on the gibbons Banned from Monkey World Terrible discrimination I've been banned from Monkey World Such terrible discrimination
6.
Orifice Florist 03:54
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I would like to buy some orchids I like to slip them under my eyelids I would like to buy some lilies 'Cause I'm going on holiday to the isles of Scilly Welcome to our florist You can pick some flowers from our main orifice I would like to buy some rhododendrons They remind me of shaving scum I would like a bag of sage Because I'm trying to turn a new page Welcome to our florist You can pick some flowers out of our main orifice WIth the sage I'd like to make it quite beige For when I'm watching films featuring Nicholas Cage Then I'll buy my loved one a rose Which will make a change from the usual bow and arrows Welcome to our florist You can pick some flowers out of our main orifice I would like to buy some clothes So I can stain them and blow my nose With a bunch of poppies So I can take floppy disk copies of my own cock Welcome to our florist You can pick some flowers out of our main orifice Welcome to our florist Where you can pick some flowers out of our main orifice
7.
Robot Sex Slave 07:30
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Spanner, screwdriver, screws and files Trying to build a mutant robot It will do all my tasks Anything that it's master asks It will be the finest possession that I have got My mutant robot It will have teeth, it will have eyes It will make me beef burgers and tuna fish pies It will dress me in the morning And do depraved sexual favours in my hour of need Until I bleed My mutant robot My mutant robot My robot I will program well He will learn to read and write and spell I will send him to do all my difficult jobs Then eventually to the bank I will send him to rob My mutant robot The name of a robot derives from the word meaning 'slave' Which is good because I don't expect that I should be paying for his depraved services I'm just that kind of guy Look at the robot and what do you spy? A mutant, a mutant robot My beautiful, beautiful mutant robot Slip a banknote into his pants You can guarantee he will do a very sexy dance But don't forget to oil him, the squeaks can become rather loud When the neighbours hear what you're up to you wont be so proud That you're being lap danced by My mutant robot The lap dance from my beautiful mutant robot Robot sex slave, he doesn't need to be paid Robot sex slave, he doesn't need to be paid Robot sex slave, he doesn't need to be paid Robot sex slave, he doesn't need to be paid Robot sex slave, he doesn't need to be paid Robot sex slave, he doesn't need to be paid Robot sex slave, he doesn't need to be paid Robot sex slave, he doesn't need to be paid
8.
22 02:12
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Two, two, two, two Twenty two, twenty two The twenty second second Of the twenty second minute Of the twenty second hour Of the twenty second year Of the twenty second century Of the twenty second millenium The whole world's been waiting for this moment but no one cared Twenty two, twenty two The second time of the second hour the second moment of the second week I wonder who's birthday it might be today They will probably be the most important person ever born They are the ultimate master of the ultimate race Mr Twenty Two, Mr Twenty Two, Mr Twenty Two, Mr Twenty Two
9.
Bleeding Fingers 03:20
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Taking 2CB is a bit like going to the shops Taking 2CB is a bit like sitting your Sats exam Taking 2CB is a little bit like buying a chicken Taking 2CB is a little bit like being a farmer Taking heroin is a bit like wearing shoes Taking heroin is a bit like taking your pants off Taking heroin is a bit like banging a tambourine Taking heroin makes me want to cut off my own willy Snorting cocaine's a little bit like playing in the Tit Mice Snorting cocaine's a little bit like masturbating on your own Snorting cocaine's a bit like trying to force a newspaper up your own ass Snorting cocaine's a bit like trying to smoke some grass Drinking booze is a little bit like having a bit of a toss Drinking booze is a little bit like playing on Baby's First Computer Drinking booze is a little bit like Demo All Drinking booze is a little bit like an interesting thing to do Bleeding fingers
10.
A&E 02:19
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Welcome to accident and emergency Its where you come if you've had a accident If you've had an exploded colostomy Then you will have a nice time at A&E I have had a bit of an accident I had my head ran over by a car I stuck a brick into my vagina And then I cut off my own head Accident and emergency Accident and emergency Accident and emergency Accident and emergency
11.
Rabies Scabies Babies 03:57
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(ok so if we go... ok) Ooh wow wow When you touched me the other day I think you gave me a little bit of that Rabies babies and scabies I've got rabies scabies and babies I've got rabies scabies and babies up my bum If you share a needle If you drink someone else's pint then you might catch a horrible disease Rabies scabies and babies You've given me rabies scabies and babies Given me scabies rabies and babies up my bum If you ever come near me then you should be wearing a protective sheath otherwise you may catch a horrible disease that I caught while I was fucking a sheep I've given you rabies scabies and babies I've given you rabies scabies and babies You've given me rabies scabies and babies I've given you rabies Babies! Scabies! I think that I have got crabs I'm covered in lots of scabs I've got skin that looks a bit like a kebab You've given me rabies scabies and babies You've given me rabies scabies and babies I've given you rabies scabies and babies Rabies scabies and babies I've given you rabies scabies and babies I've given you rabies (come on everybody) Things that you can catch if you look at our horrible band If the sounds go into your ears and you are not wearing lubricating protection we will give you Rabies scabies and babies Giving you rabies scabies and babies Giving you rabies scabies and babies with our horrible music
12.
Not Invited 07:42
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There is a party and you're not invited If you come then all three of you will be fighted There is a wedding, we want you to play but If you scare all our guests away We're going to punch you Don't come to our bar mitzvah Don't come to my children's party Or I will call the police It's so confusing all of the encouragement we get because when we arrive people don't appreciate us It's confusing every time people say that they like us Really they want to fight us Could you make up your minds what you think about this band? Because we're very confused by all All of your encouragement followed by insults Could you make up your mind? There is a party, we're not invited If we turn up we are likely to be fighted There is a wedding, we have been asked to come play but when we scare all the guests away We're going to be fighted We sent lots of emails to all the people that most normal bands in this city send their emails to Nobody wants us on their radio programmes Nobody will let us play at their festivals But we have still got a sycophantic stalking fan base That we don't want anywhere near our face So we told everyone to bloody leave us alone Now were all alone Still we're not viewed as highbrow musical entertainment Because we defile the art establishment People don't see us as valid performance art Which is quite correct There is a party, we are not invited If we turn up we will be fighted We're going to kick ass when we play at the bloody art gallery Because we'll show them what's what We're going to accurately demonstrate our inabilities And probably be really fucking offensive If we get kicked out then that will demonstrate us to be a Proper rebellious... Idiom, we are the most rebellious band in this town Were also the shittest Were also the shittest And if we come to your party we're very likely to get hitted We are the shittest band We are the shittest band in the land And if we come to your party we will show you what's what
13.
Quality Street 02:34
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Most of our music is inaccessible Because we recorded it on tape Most of our music will never be heard by the human ear again Because its lost, on a fucking pile of tapes (ah, what are they called?) (are there any Cream Eggs in that Cream Egg box? I wish there were but I have to say there aren't, that's all I can say are there any Quality Streets in the Quality Street box? no, there's nothing in the Quality Street box)

about

'The Red Album'. This collection contains nuggets from various 2013-2014 sessions, some of which have become established Tit Mice Classics. Many of the songs follow themes of live humiliation and the recognition of our collective hobby of rearing Frankensteinesque mutants.
Featuring some of our best live recordings, this is the light hearted (but still depraved) side of the 'Coin of Destiny' diptych of albums. Each Tit Mouse makes £1 each time the album is purchased.

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released July 14, 2014

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The Tit Mice Bristol, UK

The Tit Mice were an improvisational collective formed in Bristol on new years day 2013. Their intention was just to play music. However, upon attempting to do this they realised the resulting masterpieces were so powerful and moving they could either save the world or plunge civilisation into a new dark age. The latter happened. They continue to make rubbish music as an unstructured collective. ... more

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