We’ve updated our Terms of Use to reflect our new entity name and address. You can review the changes here.
We’ve updated our Terms of Use. You can review the changes here.

The Wizard's Diabolical Feast

by The Tit Mice

supported by
marieke
marieke thumbnail
marieke Orion told me to get the Blue album and how right he was. From the light winsomeness of Eating Crisps to the dark progressive rock of The Wizard's Hat, to the mellow cello on Pork Scratchings to the importance of the alphabet in Alphabet Apple, this album has something for all moods. The band play all songs with gusto and Petley's vocals range from gentle and crooning to angry and rage filled. An excellent addition to your music library and also to the Tit Mice's oeuvre. Brilliant! Favorite track: Eating Crisps.
/
1.
Gutterball 04:17
-I refuse to make any music until we're recording -Yeh, we're recording... -Oh dear sorry. 1 2 3 4... -Wait wait wait wait, it needs to sound more... -We've been recording for five minutes... We have all been evicted from our houses We have all been sent to leave our abodes We have all been made into homeless trampsies I need to slip back in and predict my board Homeless bastard I have got a new job selling the Big Issue I have got a new job singing at people in the street Do you have any spendings for the pot? I only need 80p to get somewhere Into the pub We have all been made homeless But we've got all turfed out no words to help make it now We have all been made homeless Just because we let bully agencies come and sell our houses Would you like to buy a big issue Would you like to give me some change Would you like to buy me a pasty would you like to show me your face in a fence Give me a pasty Give me a pasty
2.
Pork scratchings where do they come from? Pork scratchings where do they come from? They come from the most obvious parts of the pig Lambert and Butler where do they come from? Lambert and Butler where do they come from? They come from the most horrible factory of cigs Morris dancing where does it come from? Morris dancing where does it come from? It comes from the local village fete jig
3.
Would you like one of my whistles? Would you like one of my jigsaw pieces? Would you like some of my powder paint? A big rebellious party its not turning out to be It just ain't Would you like one of these birianis? Would you like a caravan that's full of carnys? Would you like to hold my favourite brick? A day out in Easton can make you feel quite sick Have you been to the Chelsea? If you don't go there it's the Sugar Loaf Or else you may need to go for an all night drink at the Plough Buy some drugs and get very sweaty without going to town Welcome to (B)Easton Spending the day in the Greenbank Surrounded by children and poodles who can you thank? All the rich people for gentrifying such a glorious establishment Think of all the wasted days you have spent Drinking in (B)Easton Would you like to buy a toasted cheese sandwich for £2? Would you like to have extreme reggae forced into your sound oracles? Would you like to feel like taking some ketamine tonight? That's alright in (B)Easton Polish Shop Hot Spot Lick'n, Lick'n Chicken Grease feast in (B)Easton Grease feast in (B)Easton Grease feast in (B)Easton
4.
Biscuits 04:23
Biscuits What flavour of biscuits What flavour of biscuits do you like? Biscuits Dip them in your tea Or eat them raw What kind of biscuits do you like? My favourite is shit biscuits I like to dip them in my piss Have a mouthful of my shit biscuits Dip them into my urine Fill your fucking ugly face with my shit biscuits Thats the kind of biscuits that I like to eat My dirty little shit biscuits Can I have a taste of your shit biscuits? Can I have a taste of your shit biscuits? You can have a taste of mine My dirty little shit biscuits Thats the kind of biscuits that we like Thats the kind of biscuits that we like We're going to be tasting them tonight What kind of biscuits do you like? What kind of biscuits?
5.
(indecipherable news broadcast, things dying, war in Iraq, bees broke a boiler, Davros, etc) Not a single mention of my gibbon scissors Not a single mention of Angelina Jolie's balls Not a single mention of a child in a kebab Not a single mention of me picking my scabs Gibbon scissors Gibbon scissors Gibbon scissors Gibbon scissors Not a single mention of a dog toothbrush Not a single mention of a cat wearing a neck brace Not a single mention of my tennis balls in my pants Not a single mention of my gibbon scissors My gibbon scissors My gibbon scissors My gibbon scissors My gibbon scissors they are very expensive It's quite a massive sex scandal Somebody put a cat into my feces Then they took a big picture of me with my gibbon scissors My gibbon scissors My gibbon scissors My gibbon scissors My gibbon scissors My monkey needs to have a haircut What can you do about it you cunt? I could use my special tool Otherwise the monkey will look like a fool Without my gibbon scissors If he doesn't use my gibbon scissors My gibbon scissors My gibbon scissors My gibbon he has too many toes Well I'm afraid that that really blows Only one thing that we could possibly do I could give my pair of gibbon scissors to you My pair of gibbon scissors A pair of gibbon scissors A pair of gibbon scissors My pair of gibbon scissors My pair of gibbon scissors My pair of gibbon scissors My pair of gibbon scissors My pair of gibbon scissors 1 2 3 4 gibbon scissors
6.
Quiet Song 03:58
We've got to be real quiet so we don't upset Harry's neighbours We've got to be fucking quiet so we don't upset his housemates either With our Spanish geetar thumping like a motherfucker Be real quiet tonight in the house We spent a long time tuning our instruments We tried so hard to make the notes sound pure We've had a small amount of beverage Why the fuck do we bother for? Cos we've got to be so quiet So we don't upset the neighbours Cos we've got to be so quiet So we don't upset the housemates Quiet, quiet Quiet song So we don't upset the neighbours So fucking quiet So fucking quiet So fucking quiet So fucking quiet So fucking quiet So fucking quiet Quiet Quiet Quiet So fucking quiet Quiet, so fucking quiet Quiet, so fucking quiet So fucking quiet So fucking quiet So fucking quiet So fucking quiet
7.
Sitting alone in my flat I don't know what to do with myself All I have is a video recorder and my cat It's effecting my mental health Maybe if I point the TV camera at my television screen It will make some psychedelic patterns It will help me to have a dream I could go out to the shops But socialising with other humans I find poopy-plops Weeks and weeks sat all alone looking at my TV screen The psychedelic images, they're driving me more insane Self engulfing TV screen experiment Self engulfing TV screen experiment It's making my brain deranged It's making me go insane It's making my mental faculties dement Please call the men in white coats I don't think I can anymore cope With my severe derangement All of this wasted time that I've spent
8.
Worm Finger 03:19
Worm Finger Worm Finger Worm Finger Worm Finger Finger Worm Finger Worm Finger Worm Finger Worm Finger Worm Fucking Finger Everybody together now Are you ready? Worm Finger Come on everybody, you at the back Give it to me you over there, everybody Worm Finger Worm Finger
9.
Better a Yoko Ono than Linda McCartney Better the bitch who broke Harrison's heart Better to have a distraction than somebody mean Otherwise you may want to eat your own spleen The recordings for the White Album Were probably less troubling than the last piece we did The only distractions that we had that day Were our complete and utter inabilities to make proper music or write lyrics or make songs Band Politics Playing dirty tricks with our social lives Band Politics Playing dirty tricks with our trying to find wives And husbands But it doesn't matter much Because collectively we have a cat He lives in our flat (actually its a house) He's never caught a mouse Band Politics Playing dirty tricks with our social lives Band Politics Playing dirty tricks with the lives that we are trying to contrive None of us are unemployed All of us seem relatively happy Maybe this will make our music more crappy Band Politics Playing dirty tricks with our private lives Band Politics Playing dirty tricks with our private lives
10.
(We're exactly like Uriah Heep) Ah the Wizard Oh his kingdom The Wizard, he looked across his kingdom And he observed all of his subjects But the main subject that interested him Was which feather to position in his magical hat (now to D I reckon) The Wizard's magical hat It was made of magic So he opened up his eyes And he cast them across the skies He was looking for the most beautiful eagle Whose feathers he could pluck for his special hat Oh the wise Wizard He needed to fix his hat Otherwise he'll look like a twat So the Wizard he slaughtered The nearest Pheasant he could find Then he plucked the most colourful feather From that pheasant's behind (now to D) It had all the colours of the rainbow (then back to G again) It taught him every spell that he could know The Wizard's hat, The Wizard's hat His beautiful kingdom shon for miles around The king he gave him a sacred orb of magic He was using all of his magic rings To do some quite spectacular things So now we've told you about the Wizard's times Doing lots of magical things With his filthy magic rings The Wizard's hat The Wizard's hat The Wizard's hat The Wizard's hat
11.
(we've got to slow down so we can hear the keyboard) Just a little song about eating crisps Just a little song about eating crisps Just a little song about eating crisps And drinking whiskey Just a little song about drinking whiskey Just a little song about drinking whiskey Just a little song about drinking whiskey From Aldi Just a little song about reading books Just a little song about reading books Just a little song about reading books About whiskey Just a little song about drinking beer Just a little song about drinking beer Just a little song about drinking beer From Aldi Just a little song about drinking beer and eating crisps Just a little song about eating crisps Just a little song about eating crisps Just a little song about eating crisps And drinking whiskey Just a little song about drinking whiskey Just a little song about drinking whiskey Just a little song about drinking whiskey From Aldi From Aldi Eating crisps, eating crisps, eating crisps Just a little song about eating crisps Just a little song about eating crisps Just a little song about eating crisps And whisking beer from Aldi Just a little song about drinking beer Just a little song about drinking whiskey Just a little song about drinking beer From Aldi From Aldi From Aldi
12.
(cat, flag, dog, mop, hair, key, queen, pig, ball...) Alphabet apple Alphabet apple You can learn your alphabet using this apple (cat, ball, egg) I can't remember my fucking letters The alphabet's completely gone out of my stupid angry head What the fuck can I do? What the fuck can I do? (flag, dog) Use alphabet apple You will feel less crapple When you take a tasty bite of the alphabet Alphabet apple Ball, flag, flower, sun, fucking net Key... letters... now I understand Alphabet apple Alphabet apple Xray, ah that's a difficult one Alphabet apple has healed a victim of society And made him into a little bit less of a twat Alphabet apple, the alphabet you can grapple With the alphabet apple The alphabet apple Alphabet apple Alphabet apple Tasty little alphabet apple, take a bite But be careful not to swallow the pips Because they're words like 'cunt' Apple Apple Apple By bye!
13.
I want to go drinking That's what I've been thinking For about an hour Company of other humans Listening to Gary Numan Drinking gallons of each other's sputum There is a party and I want to come To it The doors are open now They will be eating spit roasted cow Pork scratchings there will be plenty My alcoholic stomach is feeling empty I want pickled eggs, I want bar snacks Like some cheesy moments I want to go out drinking That's what for the last hour I have been thinking Give me your prize pork scratchings Give me your drugs and booze and diamond rings Wearing a crown of leather and studs Wearing a crown of leather and studs Wearing a crown of leather and studs Wearing a crown of leather and studs Wearing a crown of leather and studs Wearing a crown of leather and studs Wearing a crown of leather and studs Sitting on my throne Chalice, a chalice of mead Into my cup you will have to be bleeding Worship me upon my silver throne Like a dog you will eat my bone Cos I'm Wearing a crown of leather and studs Wearing a crown of leather and studs Wearing a crown of leather and studs Wearing a crown of leather and studs Wearing a crown of leather and studs Wearing a crown of leather and studs Wearing a crown of leather and studs Wearing a crown of leather and studs If I were king, you would do everything that I tell you All of the peasants they will worship me, I can smell you From my leather throne Encrusted with silver jewels Silver jewels Wearing a crown of leather and studs Wearing a crown of leather and studs Wearing a crown of leather and studs Wearing a crown of leather and studs Wearing a crown of leather and studs Wearing a crown of leather and studs If I were king, If I were king I'd go drinking Wearing a crown of leather and studs If I were king I'd go drinking Its time to go drinking Its time to go drinking That's what I've been thinking for the last hour I am the king and I want to go out... Drinking

about

'The Blue Album'. This collection contains morsels from various 2013-2014 sessions, some of which have become established Tit Mice Classics. Many of the songs follow themes of devourment, and the recognition of our collective responsibility to the wizard and his magnificent powers. This is the darker, more epic (but still diabolically hilarious) side of the 'Coin of Destiny' diptych of albums. Each Tit Mouse makes £1 each time the album is purchased.

credits

released July 14, 2014

Dan Petley, Harry Westbrook and Andrew Gillan

license

all rights reserved

tags

about

The Tit Mice Bristol, UK

The Tit Mice were an improvisational collective formed in Bristol on new years day 2013. Their intention was just to play music. However, upon attempting to do this they realised the resulting masterpieces were so powerful and moving they could either save the world or plunge civilisation into a new dark age. The latter happened. They continue to make rubbish music as an unstructured collective. ... more

contact / help

Contact The Tit Mice

Streaming and
Download help

Report this album or account

If you like The Tit Mice, you may also like: