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The Gibbon's Web Of Deceit

by The Tit Mice

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1.
Crapital 04:34
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You may not like what we do You may think it sounds like somebody doing a poo But we don't give a shit You may think that we look stupid You may think that we are talentless twats but you are wrong Listen to our songs A little ginger kid kicked dust into our faces And then the mother of another child told us to get our disgraces Away from her child who we were clearly being paedophiles towards War of words with ugly mums in this street It certainly wasn't a treat Nobody likes us Nobody wants to hear our... songs So if you want to hear something completely unlistenable Maybe you should stick around Maybe if you want to have something nightmare inducing occur to you then You should stay here until your pants turn brown Until your pants turn brown Until your pants turn brown Sometimes we try and sell our goods to people who experience us It doesn't really work, all of those channels are filled with pus because we don't know how to make people buy our things We have a shit marketing department Because that compartment exists only in our minds And very tight pockets Oh fock-it What's the point in carrying on? What's the point in carrying on? In our tight pockets we can never generate capital CRAPITAL
2.
Titfield Thunderbolt 02:56
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School trip to the sewage farm School trip to the most horrible place you can imagine Titfield Thunderbolt Storming through the countryside Onto your ass you may end up sliding Down a pipe Sewage farm, sliding down a pipe Sewage farm, sliding down with all your might With all your might Titfield Thunderbolt Titfield Thunderbolt Titfield Thunderbolt Titfield Thunderbolt
3.
Very Dark 01:49
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It has gone very dark Now I want to do the cleaning Now it's time to cut off my spleen-ing Now I'm having a bit of a diseasing I know that you're just teasing I know that you're about to be sneezing I know that you're feeling a bit sick It has gone very dark It has gone very dark Lots and lots of peanuts Lots and lots of wing-nuts Lots and lots of Coco pops Lots of Polish lager Tyskie and Zuburan Lots of Hobgoblin Feel like doing the cleaning again It has gone very dark
4.
Event Horizon 05:41
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(Oh no was I supposed to be starting? I don't know) Danger of death Power cables overhead If you go to the edge Of event horizon You may never come back You may never come back If you take life too seriously Then you move into a boat You're not going to get any less unhappier You may lose all of the hope that you previously had Keep your dogs on a lead Keep the canal special No fishing by the canal because you're supposed to be looking after all the wildlife Which you're supposed to be immersing yourself within but instead you've started a crack den Started making ketamin On the canal On the canal barge There is nothing you can do to enlarge your sense of unhappiness and solitude Going into event horizon Event horizon Event horizon Going into event horizon Danger of death If you lay near to the pond If you climb up the power cables You will be electrocuted and that would be wrong Event horizon The skies and the seas Will cascade and you'll catch fleas
5.
Goldfinch Roadkill 04:58
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Flapping your wings flying through the sky On a summers afternoon I can't see that thing coming towards me Because it is clear its a window inside a car Next thing I knew my neck was broken My carcass was flying though the sky Close to the ground until I fell And eventually I was found By somebody coming home from work I was found I'd broken my neck like a jerk It's kind of embarrassing that I ended up becoming a road-kill Because I was trying to get back to my nest Because I'm been sleeping with another bird My wife is going to be bloody furious when she finds out What I have been up to And that I'm Dead and was found on the floor By somebody coming home from work Earlier today My spirit is hovering over my body And I can see what is happening in the afterlife I am being held hostage by two other birds Two of the Tit Mice One of them is holding a knife He's cutting out my liver and now he's Trying to force my brain out of my beak Forcing bicarbonate of soda and salt Into my twitching carcass and now I I'm never going to see those eggs again Roadkill goldfinch Fill it with another pinch of Salt and bicarbonate of soda Mummified goldfinch Take another pinch of beer sterilising solution (Now to C) We know that it is nice to look at ornaments But sometimes you will have to think that they are heaven sent And you should not be playing With goldfinch carcasses You should not be playing With finches or lark-asses
6.
Wherever You Feel Like 03:51
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Think of all the places where you could go to the toilet Maybe in an empty beer-can or crisp packet Maybe the best place for you to go would be Into an occupied pram Maybe you should eat a little bit more spam Then do a poo wherever you like Do a poo wherever you like Do it while you're riding your bike Or when you're flying a kite Or if you're drinking beer Wheather you're far a away or if you're near Do a poo wherever you feel like Do a poo wherever you feel like Do a poo wherever you want to do one Do a poo wherever you feel like In your pants Just like you're an infant Do a poo inside your trousers Come on that might arouse us Do a poo wherever you feel like Do a poo wherever you feel like Do a poo wherever you feel like Do a poo wherever you feel like Do a poo wherever you feel like Do a poo wherever you feel like Do a poo wherever you feel like Wherever you feel like
7.
Sex Litter Bin 02:04
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Mr Sheen, Mr Bean, keep it clean Know what I mean? If you come into my machine then you will be with Mr Bean Now we have an empty bin Let us fill it with our sin Let us make the filth go into the Filthy sex litter bin Sex litter bin Sex litter bin Sex litter bin It is filling up to the brim It was dark but then we got some candles in the room Now we have some of the other handles and a broom So we can clean up all the sex litter Clean up all the sex litter All the sex litter's been cleaned up Into the sex litter bin
8.
Cheese Breeze 03:09
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9.
Polar Bear A Grudge 03:12
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Polar bears Nobody gives a care even though they're almost extinct If we slaughter them all what would you think? Would you like it if we wedged their mouths open And poured in cement And then we went and found a set of badgers And then we threw some rocks at them? You may feel a little less zen You may feel a little less zen What would you do then? What would you think if we found a nest of eagles And then we took away all of the beagles from the animal testing factory And maybe replaced them with the eagles and their rare eggs Made them into omelettes? Polar bears Quite frankly I don't have a care if we make them into burgers I like a nice bit of animal murder So long as there's mayonnaise And I don't have to pay too much Man I'm feeling really butch when I slaughter all the badgers And all the polar bears Quite frankly I just don't care Quite frankly we don't care
10.
Life Chorus 03:40
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I woke up this morning in my lonely bed I was alone and I had nothing that anybody could have said About how it was a nice time Because it wasn't It just wasn't No it just wasn't This is the chorus This is the chorus of your horrible life This is the chorus This is the best bit of your horrible life you're living Maybe I will turn on my television Maybe I should have been at some point given a nicer thing to do But unfortunately I'm sat on my own Watching Breaking Bad while I stroke my own tiny bone This is the chorus This is the chorus of your life This is the best bit There will only be more trouble and strife This is the best bit of your horrible life tonight This is the best bit Now I've decided to start watching the walking dead I like the way that characters get killed off before you've even met them You know that it is much better for me to be Watching people having a nasty time While I am sat alone Weeping and cryin' This is the chorus This is the chorus of your life Unfortunately this is the best bit The best bit that you're going to be experiencing It happens tonight This is the best bit Unfortunately this is the best bit of your life Unfortunately This is the best bit This was the best bit
11.
The Gibbon's Web Of Deceit 03:42
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Swinging through the jungle Amongst an army of gibbons Think of all the beautiful times Which they have given to us They are better even than the bonobo The chimpanzee, they can just go home The treacherous gibbon The treacherous gibbon's web of deceit They are far much smaller than the orang-utan The gorillas they are such fat bastards They are the superior acrobatic ape They shit all over the lemurs Treacherous gibbon The gibbon's wicked web of deceit They are the finest thing that you can view When you go to the play-park attached to a zoo All of the children point and laugh while they look at The masturbating baboons But that is nothing compared To the gibbons super tunes Treacherous gibbon Think of all the wonderful things that they have given to us They have deceived us with their wicked web of deceit They can climb over any Any apparatus with their incredible feet Treacherous gibbon The gibbon's web of deceit
12.
Pudding 03:51
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I've been waiting far too long for the taste of pink blancmange I've been waiting far too long for a little bit of jelly I want my pudding I've been waiting far too long for my strawberries to grow They are shrivelled pieces of shit And there's nothing there to put into my mouth I want my pudding Custard, custard tart That is the only part of this meal that I've been looking Forward to Bananas, scanners Seeking my next fruity sugary treat I will walk so far that I will wear off my feet Give me my pudding Pudding Sugary treats, they are all I need Sugary treats, I will break off your feet if you don't give them Give them to me I want my pudding I want my pudding I want my pudding
13.
Fashion Wizard 04:18
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The beautiful embroidered symbol of a gibbon Embroidered on the Wizard's magical hat Which he wears No matter what he has given you You will always be blessed by the Wizard Whether its a sunny day Night time or dead of winter in a blizzard (Chorus) Fashion accessories of the Wizard Look at his flowing magical cloak The beauty is so intense That it can sometimes make you choke But when you see the magic pouring out of his sleeves You will feel very pleased That you're with the Wizard Fashion statements Wonderful fashion statements of the Wizard Fashion statements from the wizard Fashion statements from the wizard The potion, its lost all of its colour Because the Wizard's given it to the earth mother And made the hallucinogenic reaction become Bigger by quite a large fraction Don't expect to do any more social interaction Fashion statements from the Wizard Fashion statements from the Wizard Hallucinogenic fashion statements from the Wizard Fashion going on in your mind from the Wizard Wearing his magical hat and cloak Fashion statements from the Wizard
14.
Ligaments Pigments 02:33
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(I think we're going for a fade in here aren't we?) Instruments, feeling demented Because our ligaments can't find the pigments Maybe we should try to tune our instruments? So our ligaments can find the correct pigments Maybe we should just give up and go home And look at our collection of garden gnomes Maybe we should have bought a tuning device Maybe we should have listened to Something a little bit better than Vanilla Ice Maybe we should have tried to learn to play our instruments So that our ligaments could find the correct pigments Maybe we should just give up and go home And look at our collection of garden gnomes Maybe we could just use a different demo button On our Casio keyboard Ligaments, instruments Demented pigments
15.
The Wizard's Not Here 01:23
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Trees, cars, sheep, hedges, more trees, leaves Trees, farms and streams and barns and lorries and birds But the Wizard's not here More trees and hills and fields and smoke coming out of something But the Wizard's not here And roads and a horizon and nothing much else in that horizon Apart from farms and fields and sheep and telegraph posts But the Wizard's not here And there's a football field or something and looks like a factory or maybe it's another farm and an outbuilding of some sort But the Wizard's not here

about

These classics came to us during a time of discovery and many were recorded during expeditions into the unknown. This record is a testament to the unbreakable power of the human spirit during times of neglect, uncertainty and severe drunkenness. That treacherous gibbon!

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released June 25, 2015

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The Tit Mice Bristol, UK

The Tit Mice were an improvisational collective formed in Bristol on new years day 2013. Their intention was just to play music. However, upon attempting to do this they realised the resulting masterpieces were so powerful and moving they could either save the world or plunge civilisation into a new dark age. The latter happened. They continue to make rubbish music as an unstructured collective. ... more

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