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Glass Turd

by Spudcaster

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1.
Beat Up Bus 02:33
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Happy birthday to you I've taken a shit on your car I've done a piss on your door And thrown some milk on your bus Happy birthday to you You did nothing bad to me I took it too personally Being ignored at school Happy birthday to you I want to burn down the school And the people in there Well I don’t have a care Happy birthday to me Happy birthday to you Happy birthday to them Happy birthday to you I hope your minibus stinks I hope you’re sad when you think I’ve done a shit on your car And thrown some milk on your bus
2.
Get This Man A Beer 03:59
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Charter me something, even a bike but get me away from here Buy me some transport and spend what you like Just get me away from here Somebody take me away Take me away I'm shaking, I’m breaking Get me outta here Build me a coffin and measure me now Or get me away from here I know I'm not ready to end it somehow So get me away from here Somebody take me away Take me away I'm shaking, I’m breaking Get me outta here Why don't you Take me away, take me away I'm shaking, I’m breaking Get this man a beer A mental disaster, a physical wreck Get me away from here The glamorous life is a pain in the neck So get me away from here Somebody Take me away, take me away I'm shaking, I’m breaking Get me outta here Why don't you Take me away, take me away I'm shaking, I’m breaking Get this man a beer Why don't you Take me away, take me away I'm shaking, I’m breaking Get this man a beer Build me a coffin and measure me now Or get me away from here I know I'm not ready to end it somehow So get me away from here
3.
Clock Interlude #1: Wells 02:17
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1386 Ancient Machinist Astronomical Clock Sphericus Monstrat Glob Bishop’s palace fake swan in Wells Tick tock Tick tock Time and Bells
4.
Excaliburns 04:59
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I made a pact with Merlin, this is flesh and blood Pull out the sword from the rock and let Merlin be your friend Fight and be brave and push back against the darkness ‘til the end If your kingdom recedes send your knights to do good deeds overseas Search for the grail if you fail then sweet Albion descents Stab evil Mordred with Excalibur today Stab evil Mordred with Excalibur today Might won’t make right only love faith and honour shall prevail Now silver castle it shines as the knights consume their ale If Queen Guinevere fears or sheds tears let the jousting persevere Pilgrims set sail lets crusade for the glory of the grail Stab evil Mordred with Excalibur today Stab evil Mordred with Excalibur today Stab evil Mordred with Excalibur today Stab evil Mordred with Excalibur today Go on a quest be the best on a mission for the king Serving the patriarch privileged to conquer anything If the round table feels like a social club please tighten your bow strings Chalice reward for the Lord leads to blossoming of Spring Stab evil Mordred with Excalibur today Stab evil Mordred with Excalibur today Stab evil Mordred with Excalibur today Stab evil Mordred with Excalibur today Stab evil Mordred with Excalibur today Stab evil Mordred with Excalibur today Stab evil Mordred with Excalibur today Stab evil Mordred with Excalibur today
5.
Oh Dear, Nightmare 04:31
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Now the first day that I met you I was looking in the sky When the sun turned all a blur And the thunderclouds rolled by The sea began to shiver And the wind began to moan It must've been a sign for me To leave you alone Then I walked into a nightmare And I couldn't find a pathway to go home You never said you love me And I don't believe you can 'Cause I saw you in a dream And you were with another man His face was warped and melting And demonically inflamed Then I saw it was a mirror Tell me who am I to blame? Cause I walked into a nightmare And I couldn't find a pathway to go home Now the world is sad and burning There's asbestos in my heart My eyes are red and stinging As it's time for us to part Sorrow grips my voice as I stand here all alone And let the night time take away Sensations we have known Cause I walked into a nightmare And I couldn't find a pathway to go home
6.
Ballad of Cromagneon 02:33
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[Verse 1] In the cro-magnium land, prehistoric times begin When the first homo-erectus became Europeans With a flute and a spear and when cave paintings appeared Caught a bison for supper homo-sapiens all cheer [Chorus] Cave man-Chromagnium Furry, woolly toes Cave man-Chromagnium Really happy being left alone [Verse 2] Now, these nice cro-magniums they're a peace-loving folk They’re the nicest cave dwellers that you can invoke They don't like to travel far away from home They are good hunter gatherers that’s why they roam [Verse 3] But This brave civilisation had to go On a big adventure to the caves below When the ice-age it devastated all they’d known Homo-sapiens appeared and survived the snow [Chorus] Cave man- Chromagnium Furry, woolly toes Cave man- Chromagnium Really happy being left alone [Bridge] Well they fought with the mammoths and battled the cold Constructed a flute then slowly evolved They were chased by wolves Lost in the forest Hunted and gathered all the bison hooves [Chorus] Cave man-Chromagnium Really happy being left alone [Solo] [Verse 4] So carve a big fat mama sitting in your cave Fight the sabre tooth tiger cause you’re strong and brave Before the discovery of silver and gold Puffin’ on a peace pipe in your campfire hole [Chorus] Cave man- Chromagnium Furry, woolly toes Cave man-Chromagnium Really happy being left alone Cave man- Chromagnium Furry, woolly toes Cave man-Chromagnium Really happy being left alone
7.
Clock Interlude #2: Exeter 01:26
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1484 Don’t inhale the spores Astronomical Clock Wear your habit smock Exeter Exeter Exit Extend Tick tock Tick tock Time dead end
8.
The Wind Cries Big AL 04:27
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In the past it was a struggle Comradery solved that trouble Order emerged from the muddle Sinking in a deep rhythmic puddle It just doesn’t matter anymore When will I recover I’ve lost my Status brothers Replaced I’ve been screwed over By a revolving door of others Worked so hard and careful Until powder became unhelpful Trapped and feeling fearful This country music sound is an earful It just doesn’t matter anymore When will I recover I’ve lost my Status brothers Replaced I’ve been screwed over By a revolving door of others And the wind cries Big AL The wind cries Big AL And the wind cries Big AL And the wind cries Big AL My retirement’s been a blessing The requirement has been no more messing Now Parfitt has gone addressing Rehabilitation of Quo no more stressing It just doesn’t matter anymore When will I recover I’ve lost my Status brothers Replaced I’ve been screwed over By a revolving door of others The wind cries Big AL The wind cries Big AL The wind cries Big AL The wind cries Big AL
9.
Big Bird's Cloaca 04:08
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So intense (will you) Take offence (as I) Rub against Big Bird’s cloaca Feathers unkempt Wings dispense Winds immense Big Bird’s cloaca Beak and claw Flying sea to shore It tempts me more this Big Bird’s cloaca Yellow cloak For Playful folk, I Shall provoke this Big Bird’s Cloaca Share the fruits of the orifice we fetishise Big Bird’s cloaca is right there between those thighs Tail feathers Cease never In this house for birds Big Bird’s Cloaca Eggs incubate While I masturbate On your feathered plate Big Bird’s Cloaca Let me sing To your eagle wings Ting a ling Big Bird’s Cloaca Dance for me You Large canary W A C Wet Ass Cloaca Share the fruits of the orifice we fetishise Big Bird’s cloaca is right there between those thighs (Face ripping solo) Migrate your Flock Fondle my peacock Flightless shock Big Bird’s Cloaca Getting near as I Roost right here Let me interfere with Big Bird’s Cloaca So impressed By Your exposed chest It’s a Welcome Nest your Big Bird’s Cloaca Bird watching Jizz flocking Hearing you clucking Big Bird’s Cloaca Share the fruits of the orifice we fetishise Big Bird’s cloaca is right there between those thighs
10.
The Priest's Perm 03:53
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Felt so sweet in my deathbed Until I was raised from the dead Our glory days passed, nostalgia did last But the reaper did tread Reanimated my corpse And they restrung my bass of course My perm was entwined, bride of Frankenstein Like a pampered horse The priest's perm a cut from above The priest's perm made with heavenly love Steve Priest's reprieve Did I request thee, Maker, from my clay To mould my locks into curls this way? Phantasm of man, stretched out as I am This unholy day A pale student of unhallowed arts Constructed me from found parts Without consent, I am now hellbent On devouring their heart The priest's perm a cut from above The priest's perm made with heavenly love I lay on my belly she rubbed in petroleum jelly Her hand felt so good Lie on my back, nearly blowing my stack oh, I wish she would Surrender the sweets What she does with her feet She satisfies and her pocket don't lie Then she waved her goodbye The priest's perm a cut from above The priest's perm made with heavenly love Steve Priest's reprieve
11.
Clock Interlude #3: Lier Zimmer 01:49
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1930 now Organise your plough Astronomical Clock Child adult crone deadlock Lier Zimmer Clock tower hammer gun Tick tock Tick tock moon and sun
12.
Frantic Four Justice 04:41
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Rossi isn’t real Quo you all know Frantic four justice Is what’s owed So Fuck off Francis Rossi and go home Frantic four justice Is what’s owed Fuck off Francis Rossi and go home From nineteen forty nine until the 21st Century's 21st year For the maker of everything that made Quo good Alan Lancaster shed tears Listen to his hard hot heavy bass attack And prepare to be impressed When the Quo reincarnation broke up in way back Twenty fourteen you were rightly vexed Fuck off Francis Rossi and go home Genuine Quo fans won’t be taken in By the fake franchise that tours Fronted by Frances Rossi and a gathering of freaks inauthentic to the core When the press interviewed this poisoned venom snake After Lancaster had died Failed to say how the Rossi fronted spectacle had broke His old friends now destroyed by his lies Fuck off Francis Rossi and go home Frantic four justice is what’s owed Rossi doesn't know what Status Quo meant To Lancaster Coughlan and fans He should have the dignity and decency to say His songs don’t represent his former band Fuck off Francis Rossi and go home Frantic four justice is what’s owed As the Spectres and Traffic Jam fade into the past And Spud’s Quo prepare to retire Throw the last 30 years of records in a bin And incinerate them with fire Don’t pretend this watered down pastiche of a band Can be described as Status Quo Frantic four will never be duplicated now They’re a weak and feeble afterglow Fuck off Francis Rossi and go home Frantic four justice is what’s owed Frances stole the branding but he’ll never steal the show In a business sense he won But the theft of everything Big Al stood for Should besmirch his name from now on Rossi isn’t real Quo you all know Frantic four justice is what’s owed Fuck off Francis Rossi and go home Frantic four justice is what’s owed Fuck off Francis Rossi and go home

about

Psychedelic Quo Folk. This album commemorates the death of Big AL and the retirement of Spud.

You can't polish a turd and call it art, however it's perfectly acceptable to brighten up any environment with a display of human waste encased in glass.

credits

released February 12, 2022

Andy Bowel- A variety of traditional instruments
Unimpressive Potato- Tuber
Guest Musicians- Delph, Fraisia and Harry

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The Tit Mice Bristol, UK

The Tit Mice were an improvisational collective formed in Bristol on new years day 2013. Their intention was just to play music. However, upon attempting to do this they realised the resulting masterpieces were so powerful and moving they could either save the world or plunge civilisation into a new dark age. The latter happened. They continue to make rubbish music as an unstructured collective. ... more

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